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We've been friends for over two decades, a person who's overcome several hardships, which I admire. However, she's constantly blindsided by others. Her partner ended their marriage, and it was an unexpected event. Several of her friends drifted away at that point, as they were only interested in him. It shocked her deeply. She put in increased attention to be my friend, and must have realised more clearly the meaning of companionship.

The Pattern With Friends Drifting Away

In the time since, quite a few in her circle have drifted apart and she isn't certain of the reason. Her last employer became hostile, although she had been very skilled at her work, and she left not understanding the reason for the change.

Current Dynamics

In recent times, we've both retired leading to more frequent meetups, but I am finding my position in the relationship feels one-sided. I open discussion points only for her to redirect them to things she cares about. Regarding political views, she has strong opinions. My effort is to propose double-checking information or other angles.

She is organizing a trip abroad I've visited repeatedly and lived in for some time. I attempted to share advice, yet it was unappreciated. She essentially solely sought me to confirm her decisions. I've just returned from a month in that country she hopes to reconnect, but I don't.

Considering the Choices

I don't want to act as a friend that walks away without explanation, but I don't think she'll truly comprehend the impact of her behaviour on how I feel about myself. Currently, I find myself in pulling back. What's the best step?

Possible Paths

One option is to cut and run, however, that approach is rarely a smooth outcome we imagine. Yet having a direct talk with the goal of a solution demands strength and readiness from both people.

Therapists recommend using a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"Initially is to state the usual pattern in your conversations. Aim for this to be based on facts and basically what a recording device would replay. Next is to tell her how it affects you emotionally. Ideally, there's no argument here. Your feelings belong to you, after all. Step three involves requesting how the two of you can shift the dynamics between you."

Consider that she also holds perspectives, meaning you must to remain ready to acknowledge it. One effective method is to say her:

"It's your turn to speak and I promise to remain silent for half an hour."

It's wildly effective in fostering understanding.

Closing Considerations

She may dismiss everything, for those who cling to a “survival narrative”: they rely on a version about themselves they won't abandon because their very survival depends upon it and it represents they've known. It's tough because there's no clear path in such cases, just dead ends. However, she might at first react defensively and then think on your words. And even if a resolution isn't found a fix, it provides satisfaction that you've been truthful.