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This year signifies a full decade since the phrase “vanishing” entered the mainstream. Back then, the concept that someone could suddenly stop contact with a lover without a word seemed like the height of indignity. How naive we were. In the 10 years since, seeking a significant other has only become more bewildering – an oftentimes pointless exercise in awkwardness that is increasingly defined by online slang.

Generation Z, a generation who came of age during a social isolation epidemic, a male identity crisis, and a coordinated attack on the rights of women and the queer community, faces a infinitely more complex terrain than their millennial forerunners could ever fathom. And so their romantic glossary has grown more elaborate and more bizarre, with terms like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” pushing the boundaries of your sanity.

The following list is a extensive glossary to the words gen Z is using to talk about romance, intimacy and the pursuit of both. To paraphrase one of the year’s most popular online sayings, by the end of this list you’ll ache to get back to God’s country – because where that is, it lacks “wokefishing”.

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A

Genuineness – According to Zoomers, dating’s ideal is presenting as your real, unvarnished self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Avian theory – A online phenomenon inspired by a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you point out something trivial – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your date's reply is inquisitive or dismissive. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “quirky fantasy girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner puts herself first while exuding enigma and self-sufficiency. (She might still have that fringe.)

C

Seat theory – This refers to choosing someone who helps you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would get a chair for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A meet-up where two people connect while doing chores, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped people in their 20s do budget-friendly romance in a inflation-era world.

Crashing out – Melting down when you feel burdened by life. You can lose it over a infatuation or breakup, spilling all of your unreciprocated emotions.

D

Dink – Dual income no kids. Once a marker of 80s young urban professional affluence, it refers to pairs who forgo parenthood to focus on their own well-being. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The opposite of playing it cool: embracing communication, transparency and openness.

F

Indicators

• Red flags – Behavioral traits indicating a potential partner is not right. For instance calling their former partners unstable, poor tipping habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a new DJ career …
• Good indicators – These quirks validate your decision to date a partner. Examples include following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal phone use, having a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These typically describe niche, mostly benign quirks. Examples include being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still keeping a pen in their wallet, paying rent in physical money …

Freak matching – When you connect with someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the second world war or DVD collecting or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who despises the same things or people that you do (nothing builds intimacy faster than sharing a common enemy).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A band a typical Zoomer guy listens to.

Ghostlighting – Someone who reappears into your life after a period of ghosting.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and devoted. The uncommon boyfriend who is adored by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's foil.

Gooners – A primarily online subculture of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, purposefully postponing climax so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing cynicism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An ideal touted by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and contentedly domestic, who apparently has no aspirations of her own aside from pleasing her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and often mundane dealbreakers that instantly extinguish any feelings of attraction.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to remember after you watch someone else receive an extremely sweet gesture.

J

Professions – These have not been this important in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ideal catch: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd opt for partners in sectors they perceive as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: healthcare workers, teachers or counselors.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, researchers learned that kissing has existed for 16m years. But the days of kissing may be waning since some gen Z prefer fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy realistic.

Light catfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {